


I am undone without you

by Mijali



Category: The Locked Tomb Trilogy | Gideon the Ninth Series - Tamsyn Muir
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Pining, but like. somwhere between
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:21:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24191251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mijali/pseuds/Mijali
Summary: Harrow needs more sleep, and contemplates her and Gideon's relationship. [Set before the pool scene, but I'm not sure exactly where]
Relationships: Gideon Nav & Harrowhark Nonagesimus, Gideon Nav/Harrowhark Nonagesimus
Comments: 5
Kudos: 49





	I am undone without you

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a tumblr post by branewurms located here: https://branewurms.tumblr.com/post/190957175741/a-thing-i-just-said-re-harrow-on-the-discord-that

‘The thing about Gideon,’ Harrow thought bitterly to herself as she watched her cavalier eat her weight in carbs, ‘is that she’s an absolute fucking moron.’

That was the end of her thought, the beginning and end of her thinking on Gideon as she shovelled piece after piece of bread and too-hot tea into her face, her own lunch sitting nearly untouched before her. 

She let her mind drift back to various necromantic matters, Ninth House matters, Lyctor matters, and pretended not to notice Gideon as she banged into her while reaching for the bowl of sugar that sat nearby on the table. 

If she were to bring the Ninth back to prosperity… 

Her thoughts trailed again, back to the Ninth, to her childhood, to their childhood and she found herself standing abruptly, her chair making a screeching sound as she pushed back. 

“Mwauf?” Gideon asked around a mouthful of food. 

“Nothing. Don’t follow me.” 

Gideon didn’t have to be told twice, a fact that stabbed at the part of herself that Harrow was trying to ignore. She had already turned her head down to focus on the fish, and wasn’t sparing her a second glance. 

Harrow swept out of the dining room, a wraith. 

\--- 

Things hadn’t always been this bad- when they were young, Gideon was her favorite playmate (not that there were any other options, of course), but she found that there was no one better to test her constructs against than the girl who, just one year older than herself, seemed insurmountable. 

Harrow always surmounted her, of course, but that’s because Harrow was the greatest necromancer of her generation and Gideon was, like, nine. 

And then the unspeakable happened, and she hated her, she hated her more than she thought she could hate anyone, and she knew Gideon hated her too. She knew it the second she realized what she had done, and Harrow was left wondering what had happened to make Gideon hate her before that. What she had done to cause her to despise her so much she would- 

Harrow took a steadying breath as she stalked down the halls, not going anywhere in particular. 

It hadn’t been Gideon’s fault- she realized that a few years later, but the damage had already been done. Done long before that moment, when Harrow was aware enough to realize how the rest of the house treated her, when she looked back at how her own parents recoiled from her. Gideon had hated her because she had hated everyone, because they had hated her from the moment she hadn’t died in that nursery with the other 200 souls. 

And Gideon hated her now because of how she treated her. 

Harrow pushed open the door to their rooms, only vaguely aware that she had come here on autopilot. 

She’d stopped Gideon from leaving dozens of times, even knowing that she would be far better served elsewhere, far happier, treated better with three square meals and sunlight, and maybe even friends. 

But Harrow stopped her, every single time without fail. She stopped her with cunning and with violence and with cheap tricks. She stopped her with bravado. It was like their games from childhood, but this time she knew Gideon hated her, hated her with every fiber of her being, hated her so much that she would rather fall on her own sword than pass her the salt at dinner. 

And she hated her back, but not because of her parents but because she was wholly dependent on her. Because she was the only person in the entire world that she could call a friend, and it was pathetic and it was sad, and it was killing her. 

It killed her to watch her eyes narrow in disgust whenever they passed, and it was easier to fill her heart with ice than to deal with it. 

Harrow looked at herself in the mirror that hung in the bathroom, her eyes bloodshot. 

Sleep. She probably needed sleep. Whenever her thoughts cycled like this, it meant she was overtired. And considering how much blood she’d been losing the past few days that wasn’t a huge surprise. 

She made her way over to the bed and curled up in the nest of blankets she’d created, and tried to drive all thoughts of Gideon Nav out of her head. 

‘How fucked up do you have to be,’ Harrow thought to herself before unconsciousness took her over, ‘for your only friend to despise you.’


End file.
